


Cassarian on a Ship

by MikeAllenZ



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Anything goes - Freeform, Cassarian, F/M, Modern AU, Musical, New Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 07:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikeAllenZ/pseuds/MikeAllenZ
Summary: Anything Goes AU. But modernized too. You don’t need to know Anything Goes the musical to actually get it. But I would listen to the songs from the show that I include. Listen to the Sutton Foster version because that’s what I’m mostly borrowing from.





	1. The Bar

A young man enters the club in a hurry. He can hear the soft song playing over by a singer. The man is early twenties with jet black hair, a blue streak, and a jet black goatee as well. His freckles are a sight as well. He frantically looks around

 

 **Singer**  
My story is much too sad to be told  
But practically everything  
Leaves me totally cold  
The only exception I know is the case  
When I'm out on a quiet spree  
Fighting vainly the old ennui  
And I suddenly turn and see  
Your fabulous face

I get no kick from Champagne  
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all  
So tell me why should it be true  
That I get a kick  
Out of you

Some get a kick from cocaine  
I'm sure that if I took even one sniff  
That would bore me terrifically too  
Yet I get a kick out of you

I get a kick every time I see you standing there before me  
I get a kick though it's clear to me you obviously don't  
Adore me

I get no kick in a plane  
Flying too highWith some guy in the sky is my idea of nothing to do  
Yet I get a kick  
Out of you

 

The young man finally finds the man he was looking for. A heavy man who doesn’t look too pleased to see him. “Varian, where have you been? You’re a half hour late.”

“Sorry Mr. Monty” Varian flusteredly looks embarrassed. “But I got your cruise ticket, and your luggage.”

“What about my passport?”

“Oh shoot I forgot. Mind if I give it to you tomorrow? Right before you leave?”

Monty looks at him skeptical but after a few moments he lets out a chuckles “Yea. I guess it wouldn’t’ hurt.”

“Thank you sir”

“But I need you back on Wall Street as soon as you’re done. Got it?” He states

“Yes sir.”

“Good. The Coronan market is going to skyrocket tomorrow I just know it.” He smirks “An old buddy from Yale told me the news. See you tomorrow morning, champ.” He pats his back then heads off.

Varian sighed in relief and looked to the bartender “Hey, can I get something light?”

“You look like you NEED something heavier.”

“Yea. But I got a busy day tomorrow after a busy day today. I can’t afford to forget anything”

“Too late apparently” he heard a very familiar voice say from behind him. He turned to notice his big sister.

“Rapunzel?” He thinks for a second and suddenly remembers “oh right, we had plans.” He facepalms “I’m so sorry, my boss had me working up a storm and he’s going to England tomorrow and I had to a bunch of stuff for him.”

“I’M going to England tomorrow and all you had to do was buy your big sis a drink.”

“I do that all the time”

Rapunzel shrugs “Yea But this time it’s special.”

“Your tour.” He chuckles “Wish I could come with”

“Why don’t you? My band is always looking for help with equipment and you’re great at that stuff.” She smiles at him “I can pay for another ticket.”

“Nah. Mr Monty wants me to...”

“Screw Mr. Monty” she abruptly says, then retracts herself a bit. Raps had never been fond of her brothers boss. "Varian, i don't like you with this wall street job. This is making you miserable."

"But I'm getting good money."

"You'd get good money with me. Trust me, I've already talked to my agent about it."

Varian takes a second to think about it "Even if i was thinking about it... There's something holding me back."

"And that is?"

Varian checks his cell briefly and sighs when he sees no text. Raps immediately knows what's up.

"So what's her name?" She smirks

"Am i that easy to see through?" He blushes

"You actually aren't. I'm just an expert at reading my baby brother."

"Cassandra." He blushes "We had a night together and it was AMAZING. But she hasn't texted me since."

"Tough break kid" she seemed sympathetic. But she knows the story. Him thinking the romance is real and then becoming crushed to find it was a one night stand. She didn't want to see him crushed once more. "Just forget her and join me. We'll be a duo again. Brother and sister against the world."

Varian blushes "That sounds nice, I'm just... Not in a place to make that happen."

Rapunzel was clearly having enough "Then when will it Varian? When will it be time for you to make a move that will actually make you happy? You're too timid to actually take chances and you're just miserable... And i..." She takes a deep breath. "I can't stand to see you miserable."

Varian blushes "I'm sorry i..."

"You know what, Varian. If you choose to take my offer, at any time, text me. I'm going to go." She goes to leave but Varian grabs her wrist before she does. And as she turns around Varian gives her a huge hug. She gives him a pat on the back. "I know you'll make the right call, bro."


	2. Bon Voyage

Varian walked up to the Captain of the ship the following morning “Hello, sir. Has a Mr. Monty come aboard”

“Why yes” he states “He’s in the dining hall. Eating all the sweets.” He points the boy into the correct direction

Varian rolled his eyes “Of course he is. I thought you said the food bar is closed until you sailed.”

“He had a note from his doctor”

Varian groans and quickly rushes off to find his boss. Meanwhile a tall woman with short black hair in a uniform enters and goes up to the captain. “Dad, we have a real problem. We might have to delay the sailing”

“Cassandra, What is it? Icebergs? A hurricane?”

Cass gives the bad news “Worse... Lin Manual Miranda just called. He’s cancelling on us.”

“Good god! That just threw away our best shot of getting recognized with millennials!”

“Well, let’s see the passenger list.” Cass says and takes out a book, showing her father a list.

“It’s no use Cassandra” he pushes it away “Esquis Cruise-line has a Seal Wedding. A Seal Wedding!”

“I admit, that’s tough. But I’m sure we can find something.” She suddenly goes up to an African American man arriving with two little girls. “Like THIS man. What’s your name sir...”

“Um... Minister Xavier” the man states “And these are my newest Converts, Red and Angry.” The two little girls smile. “These two young ladies had a stealing problem for years now. But they were sent to me where I help them.”

“Cute...” The captain admits “But not famous enough.” The minister heads off with the two girls. “What about your boyfriend?”

“Eugene?” Cass admitted there were some advantages in dating a published author. Though the two were never dating for the right reasons. But this was kind of exactly her motive in the relationship “Maybe so. The Flynn Ryder books are popular with millennials. I know that.”

Suddenly Rapunzel arrives to the ship with her band in tow. A couple of tough looking guys.

“Dad you got Sundrop Rapunzel on this ship!?”

“The band? Yea. Just for the trip to England. What’s with them?”

“Forget Eugene” Cass states “SHE is who you want making this ship first class. Her band is SO POPULAR.”

Rapunzel so happened to hear her name dropped and walked over. “I heard my name”

Cass smiles politely, like she was talking to royalty “Pardon me. We’re just glad you’re here. My father doesn’t just quite understand who you are.”

“Oh...” she smiled wide “Well, I’m Sundrop Rapunzel and these are my bandmates Atilla, Hookfoot, BigNose, and Vladimir.”

“It’s a pleasure...” Cass said politely

Rapunzel suddenly nudged her playfully with her elbow. “So, miss modest. Where is the nearest place to get a drink.” Cass points “Thank you” she turns to her bandmates “Let’s go boys!” She smirks as she leads them to the bar

Suddenly Monty arrives, arm over another patron. This man looked smooth and had a fun smirk to him. “I enjoy the company you keep, captain.”

Cass and the Captain look to the two. “Yes, Eugene is a fine young man.” The captain states.

“Why thank you Cap’. Such nice words.” Eugene smiles, putting over the sweet talk on his girlfriend's father. “Found this buddy right here having way too much of the spiked Irish Cream”

Monty gave a good look at Cass “This the good looking girlfriend you talked about.” He looked to Eugene again

Cass sighed and rolled her eyes a bit “Yea. He is indeed my boyfriend”

Just at that second Varian had managed to arrive and see them. “Boyfriend?”

“There you are Varian” Monty smiles at the boy “Boyfriend is a term that means she loves him romantically.” The man was clearly drunk

Cass gave Varian a surprised look, amazed to see him there. Varian was just as surprised “I-I don’t believe it.

“Well it’s true.” The Captain smiles “Now Cass, Eugene, if you please bring Mr. Monty to his room, that’d be good. I’ll make sure we’re ready to leave.”

They both go to help. “See you later Varian” Cass smiles awkwardly as she and Eugene left

“Good luck on Wall Street today, my boy” was all he heard Monty say before he went, taking the passport from him.

And suddenly Varian was alone. No reason to stay, yet EVERY reason to stay.

But he quickly noticed the priest enter with two girl. “Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to pray good when we get to our room.”

“Yes father.” The girls say

As soon as they were out of sight, Varian was confronted by what appeared to be two FBI agents. “Sir, have you see a minister go by here?”

Varian looks at him curious “What?”

“FBI. We’re looking for a African American gangster dressed as a minister. Did you see him?”

Varian points “You just missed him. That way.”

“Show us”

~

Lance had regretted hiding in a suitcase with Shorty. That was a huge mistake. But at least it got them on board. At some point the Baron would be there and they’d be good to go. Lance peeks out and looks around. He unzippers it letting both gangsters out of their hiding place.

Shorty looks around in confusion “This isn’t Santa Fe”

“We’re going to England, Shorty”

“Baron too?”

Lance nods “Yea... he’ll be here any second. He’s public enemy number one. He can take care of himself.”

“Good. Also... who’s Baron?”

“You know who he is, Shorty. Now I need you to go find him” Lance states. Shorty nods and goes off.

Suddenly Xavier sees Lance and waves to him “Why, a fellow clerk. It’s a pleasure.”

Lance suddenly realizes he needs to make up stuff. Keeping up his cover. “Oh hey! Good to see another.”

“What kind of minister are you?” He asked with a smile

“Missionary” Lance makes up quickly.

“Where?”

He didn’t think that through “Way out in China. Way WAY out there.”

“I served in China for years.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly IN China... I was more...” He struggled to find a lie to cover what he said

“Oh, I get it...” Xavier seemed to get it even if Lance himself didn’t “You were in Indo China”

“Exactly!” He was thrilled his lie was made FOR him “I was in INDOOR China, and YOU were in... OUTDOOR China”

Xavier laughed, believing this to be a joke. “Haha. We’ll have lots to talk about.”

Suddenly Varian arrived with the two FBI agents “There he is!”

Lance immediately raises his hands fearfully. How did this kid just bust him? He never met him. “No. I’m too pretty to go to jail...” but Lance turned around to find he was not being arrested in the slightest.

The kid had just pointed to Xavier. He was saved. Xavier was the one being arrested and not him. “We gotcha now, Lance.”

Xavier clearly had none of this “You have the wrong person. I am Reverend Xavier”

Lance feigned ignorance “What? THIS MAN is the devishly handsome criminal Lance Strongbow!? Public enemy number 13!” He played up the theatrics “And I thought I made a FRIEND.”

The FBI agents took Xavier away just in time for Red and Angry to notice. And of course, they both looked concerned. “What are we going to do, Red? Who’s going to lead us not into temptation?”

Red had a huge smirk on her face. She suddenly stole a lollipop from Red’s pocket and ran off. With an infuriated Angry behind her.

“Give that back!”

Varian had seen all of this, still deciding what he wanted to do. He heard Cassandra’s voice on the loudspeaker.

“Final Call!”

Varian had to act fast. On the one hand he could go back to Wall Street but that didn’t seem right. Rapunzel made a point. It was making him miserable. He knew staying would be too much, right? Cassandra was in a relationship. But if he left he’d feel like a coward.

Varian looked to the guy who was just talking to the man he just ratted out. He was thinking of something. Suddenly a short old male came up to the guy.

“Is Baron the burly guy with that blonde beard?” He asked him

“Yea... and?”

“I saw him get thrown off the ship” he chuckled “It was entertaining”

Lance groaned “Great. And he didn’t even get his fake passport. What am I supposed to do with it?”

Varian heard Cass’s voice on the loudspeaker again. “All ashore that’s going ashore”

Varian made a rushed decision and went over to the two “Can I have it?”

“You?” Shorty looked to him strangely “You’re not even blonde?”

“Kid, you saved my ass” Lance smiles at Varian and gave him the passport “It’s all yours.”

Varian looked at the passport “Murray hill flowers huh? Where’d he come up with THAT?”

“The name farm...” was shorty’s response.

He heard Cass’s voice one more time. “Final call! All ashore that’s going ashore! Final Call!”

Varian sighed and gave the passport a hard look. “I can’t believe I’m going this.” But he made up his mind. He was going to take his sister’s advice and make his life better.


	3. You’re the Top

The ship had taken off a little while back and Varian had NO CLUE what to do. He just jumped on a cruise he didn’t have a ticket for, under a fake name just in order to win over a girl he had a one night stand with who he was pretty sure, given his history, probably wasn’t really into him. He was lost.   
  
“I have to feel like you’re stalking me or something” he heard a feminine voice say from behind him, causing the boy to instantly jump in terror. But he turned around to see the face of his sister.    
  
“Raps!”    
  
She chuckles “should’ve seen the look on your face.”   
  
Varian took a deep breath, silently admitting it was kind of funny. “I guess”   
  
“So let me guess, you took me up on my offer?” She smirked at him    
  
He blushed “not exactly...”   
  
“Oh I see” she believed she was putting the pieces together. “You’re here for your boss and once he gets to England you’re on the first plane back to America, ready to pursue that lady-love of yours.”   
  
He blushes even harder “Also not exactly. She... she’s on the ship.”   
  
Rapunzel rolls her eyes “Fantastic...”    
  
Varian was clearly stressed “This was a bad idea. I’m going to lose my job if Mr. Monty finds out and maybe even be arrested. Just because of a girl.”    
  
“Must be one special girl”    
  
Varian chuckles “You’d LOVE her Raps. Tough, badass. She really takes control, if you get what I’m saying.”   
  
Raps chuckles back “Sounds like the perfect match for you.” She ruffles his hair a bit, trying to comfort her little brother “Who is this girl?”   
  
Varian looks down “The captain's daughter”   
  
“Oh... I see your problem” Raps admits “She’s dating that famous author guy.”   
  
“Yea. I can’t compete with HIM. I love his books they’re so good.” Varian groans “I’m not half the man HE is.”   
  
“Varian!” She looks to him sternly   
  
“What? It’s true”    
  
“Varian, you think this guy can compete with YOU? Do you think he has one faction of your brains, your looks, your... your... your...”   
  


**Rapunzel**

At words poetic, I'm so pathetic

That I always have found it best,

Instead of getting 'em off my chest,

To let 'em rest unexpressed,

I hate parading my serenading

As I'll probably miss a bar,

But if this ditty is not so pretty

At least it'll tell you

How great you are.

You're the top!

You're the Colosseum.

You're the top!

You're the Louver Museum.

You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss

You're a Bendel bonnet,

A Shakespeare's sonnet,

You're Mickey Mouse.

You're the Nile,

You're the Tower of Pisa,

You're the smile on the Mona Lisa

I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop,

But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

 

**Varian**

Your words poetic are not pathetic.

On the other hand, babe, you shine,

And I can feel after every line

A thrill divine

Down my spine.

Now gifted humans like Vincent Youmans

Might think that your song is bad,

But I got a notion

I'll second the motion

And this is what I'm going to add;

You're the top!

You're Mahatma Gandhi.

You're the top!

You're Napoleon Brandy.

You're the purple light

Of a summer night in Spain,

You're the National Gallery

You're Garbo's salary,

You're cellophane.

You're sublime,

You're turkey dinner,

You're the time, the time of a Derby winner

I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

 

**Rapunzel**

You're the top!

You're an arrow collar

You're the top!

You're a Coolidge dollar,

You're the nimble tread

Of the feet of Fred Astaire,

You're an O'Neill drama,

 

**Varian**

You're Whistler's mama!

 

**Rapunzel**

You're camembert.

 

**Varian**

You're a rose,

You're Inferno's Dante,

 

**Rapunzel**

You're the nose

On the great Durante.

I'm just in a way,

As the French would say, "de trop".

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

 

**Varian**

You're the top!

You're a dance in Bali.

You're the top!

You're a hot tamale.

You're an angel, you,

Simply too, too, too diveen,

You're a Boticcelli,

You're Keats,

 

**Rapunzel**

You're Shelly!

 

**Varian**

You're Ovaltine!

 

**Rapunzel**

You're a boom,

You're the dam at Boulder,

 

**Varian**

You're the moon,

Over Mae West's shoulder,

I'm the nominee of the G.O.P.

 

**Rapunzel**

Or GOP!

 

**Varian**

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

 

**Rapunzel**

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

 

**Varian, Rapunzel**

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

 

**Varian**

You're the top!

You’re my Swanee River

 

**Rapunzel**

You're the top!

You’re a Goose’s Liver

 

**Varian**

You're the baby brand of a lady and a gent

 

**Rapunzel**

You're a dress from Saks'

You're next year's taxes

 

**Varian**

You're Pepsodent

 

**Rapunzel**

You're a prize

You're a night at Cooney

 

**Varian**

You're the eyes

Of Irene Bordoni

 

**Rapunzel**

I'm a frightened frog that can find no log to hop

 

**Rapunzel, Varian**

But if baby I'm the bottom you're the top

 

**Rapunzel**

You're the top!

You're a Waldorf salad.

 

**Varian**

You're the top!

You're a Berlin ballad.

 

**Rapunzel**

You're the boats that glide

On the sleepy Zuider Zee,

You're an old Dutch master,

 

**Varian**

You're Lady Astor,

 

**Rapunzel**

You're broccoli!

 

**Varian**

You're romance,

You're the steppes of Russia,

 

**Rapunzel**

You're the pants, on a Roxy usher,

I'm a broken doll, 

 

**Varian**

a fol-de-rol,

 

**Rapunzel, Varian**

a blop,

 

**Rapunzel**

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

 

**Varian**

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

 

**Rapunzel, Varian**

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

You're the top!

 

~   
  
Cass sighed. Did her boyfriend HAVE to get seasick RIGHT NOW. “Why don’t you go LIE DOWN.” She really wanted to not deal with this right now. She has better things to focus on.    
  
“Nonsense” he smiled “Your father needs me for publicity right. I’ll just stay here instagramming for you.” He takes out his phone and smolders for a selfie. But throws up before it’s taken.    
  
Cass moves his phone down “Yea... let’s not instagram RIGHT NOW.” She sighs “I’ll get you something to make you feel better.”   
  
Cass quickly walks away from him only to run into a shorter figure with jet black hair with a blue stripe. She was in a hurry and she knocked him over, about to rush past him. “Sorry Varian” she said before suddenly turning back to him in surprise “Varian!?”   
  
“It’s okay, I didn’t need that vertebrae.” He says, getting up from the hit.    
  
“I’m so sorry” she helps him up   
  
Varian looks to her like a love sick puppy dog “You’re so strong AND beautiful. You’re so perfect you know.”   
  
She immediately let’s go so he can balance himself out. But she still seemed pleased to see him. “I didn’t know you were sailing”   
  
Varian was torn. On one hand he wanted to tell Cassandra everything. But in the other, she was not only first mate, but he remembered that she was also a cop. Her gig on her father's cruise-line was a family matter. So telling her would basically be confessing his crime to an officer. “Yep... I am. My sister bought me a ticket.”   
  
“Oh rely? Who’s your sister?”   
  
“I think you heard of her” he smirks “Sundrop Rapunzel”   
  
Cass was taken aback by this. But apparently Eugene heard. “Sundrop Rapunzel is on this ship. I’m a huge fan.” He said, it was clear he was still feeling ill.    
  
“Well I’m a fan of YOU sir. I love your books.” Varian smiles at him and Shakes his hand “I’m Varian. It’s a pleasure.”   
  
Cass was instantly sweating. Oh great, they were both getting along.    
  
“Forgive me. Something I ate in the dining hall doesn’t seem to agree with me.” Eugene groans “Seems I overdid it”   
  
Varian smirks, getting an idea “Me too. Did you try the sweetbreads? Oh my god”   
  
Eugene blanches and Cass glares at Varian “Varian...” It was clear she was catching on   
  
He didn’t stop. “Have you ever seen them served that way? Served with jelled eels and head cheese”   
  
“Varian, quit it!”   
  
Eugene was ready to barf “I’ll be in my room” He rushes off.   
  
Once he was gone Varian was laughing hard but Cassandra was having none of it “What the hell was THAT?”    
  
“What?” He calmed down “I mean, I saw him up here with you. And you said specifically that I was YOURS. So I had to prove my loyalty.”   
  
“You can’t do this kind of stuff Varian. I’m in a relationship.” She glared at him    
  
“And What is that relationship about anyway. Because word on the ship is that you seem to be using him for notoriety.” He seemed not so pleased about this. “Do you even care about him?”   
  
“Of course I do!” She glared at the boy besides him   
  
“What does that make me then? Some side project? Your boytoy? A mistake?” He glared back, clear he was hurt   
  
Cass suddenly stopped her glare when realizing what he was getting at “N-no. No you weren’t. I WANT you to be mine Varian. It’s just, things with Eugene, they’re complicated.”   
  
“You sure? Or are you just afraid to admit it to yourself?”   
  
Cass sighed “I don’t know. Knowing what you know now, do you even still want to be mine?”    
  


Varian blushes “yea… I do. We’ve been friends for a while but that night we spent together, I felt happier than I’ve ever been. I feel protected in your arms.” He looks out to the ocean

 

Cass could see he was really trying. She did want to be with him, but she needed to be with Eugene. So she decided the next best thing she could do would be to comfort him. She rested her arm around his shoulder. “you’ll always have me to protect you. Whether we’re in a relationship or not.”

 

“But I want more than that.” He sighs

 

She turned him around and put her forehead to his “You will. I know you’ll find the perfect girl for you.”

 

“I already have.” He leans up and kisses her. Cass couldn’t help but lean into the kiss. It was just like the night they had spent together. 

 

But she couldn’t.

  
Cass pulls back from him and sighs “I’m sorry Varian. I’m WITH Eugene. I can’t do this anymore. It’s unfair to you and to him.”   
  
Varian gives a broken hearted look to her “I love you, Cassandra. And I KNOW you love me too. Just... I don’t want you being unhappy.” He puts his head down and shyly slinks off.   
  
“Oh Varian” she sighs. That boy would be so easy to love.


	4. Chapter 4

Lance and Shorty have to suffer through Monty’s unbearable singing from the room next to theirs. They try to play poker to pass the time.

“Check?” Was Shorty’s response. 

“See this is why we don’t have nice things” There’s a sudden knock on the door and Lance grabs his gun “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Varian.” 

“Hang on, I just need to finish up my prayers” Lance rushes to hide the gun, but manages to find a place. “Prayers prayers prayers. Amen. Okay I’m done. Come in.”

Varian comes in to look at who he believed to be the minister. “I don’t think anyone is buying me as Murray Hill Flowers. I’ve had to lay low.”

“You seems troubled” Lance pats his back “Maybe I can help”

“Sorry father, but I don’t think a minister is going to help my problems. The girl I love is dating another guy.”

“I was talking about a back massage but now that I’m thinking about it, probably won’t help either” Lance admits

“What do I even do?” Varian asked stressed out

“Simple.” Shorty states “Kill the guy”

“For once he makes a point” Lance agrees

“What!? No!” Varian said surprised “Despite the moral problems, I don’t want the guy dead. Let’s NOT kill the author of my favorite book series, please.”

“Sometimes sacrifices need to me made” Lance states “For love”

“What kind of minister ARE YOU?” Varian said confused. But his train of thought was interrupted by the sound of Monty’s loud song. “Oh no! That’s my boss. If he sees me here I’m surely fired”

Lance smirks “Not if I steal his glasses”

“I don’t know what church you’re apart of, father. But you’re one hell of a Christian”

~

Lance walked into Monty’s room, just as he was expecting someone. “Why hello there, my darling” He wasn’t looking at who just entered “You look ravishing”

“Personally I feel like I need a shave” Lance states

Monty turns around in a panic “What are YOU doing here?”

“I came to collect collections” Lance said as he pulled off his hat so he can get money in there like a collection plate.

Monty gave him an odd look “Don’t you do that in the chapel?”

“Did you plan TO GO to chapel”

Monty groans “No.” He gives in and goes to give some to him. 

Lance smirks “Hey, I seem to have the wrong hat, can you check to see the initials in there?” Monty does so but as he does Lance pats the back of his head and his glasses fall in. Lance puts the hat back on. “Never mind”

“Where are my glasses”

Lance feigns offends “Did you have them when you BARGED in here?”

“What? This is MY stateroom”

Lance looks around “Then what am I doing in here? I’ve never been so insulted in my life.” He turns to go but then looks back to Monty “Why don’t you wear you spare pair of glasses?”

“I don’t have a spare.”

“Perfect. That’s what I needed to know.” He exits

~

Lance returns from Monty’s cabin and enters his own to see Varian and Shorty. “I napped his glasses. So we’ll be good. Unless the captain or his daughter show up.” There’s a sudden knock on the door “Who is it”

“The captain” the Captain calls “And my daughter”

“Oh shit” Varian whispers and hides quickly in the closet

“Come in!” Lance calls as the Captain and Cassandra walk in. 

“We’re sorry to disturb you, Minister” The captain began “But does a Mr. Murray Hill Flowers occupy this cabin”

“We share. Why?” Lance was freaking out a bit

Cass sighs “I just got a phone call from the chief of police. Seems he’s not who he says he is. It seems Murray Hill Flowers is actually The Baron. Public enemy number one.”

Lance suddenly fake gasps “My god!”

“Wait rely?” Was Shorty’s response “I thought that kid was Public Enemy Number one?” Lance quickly quiets him

“What kid?” Was Cass’s response 

“Nothing! He’s just buzzed”

“No I mean Var-“ he suddenly gets a hand over his mouth 

Cass seems suspicious but the Captain buys it “Don’t worry sir, Cassandra is fully on the case. She’s not only my second in command on the ship in her free time, but she’s also one of the CPD’s best officers.”

“So she is now.” Lance gave Cass a look, hoping she wouldn’t notice him sweat. “Well madam, I’ll give you a shout if I see him”

Cassandra nods “Thank you. I appreciate that.” She suddenly heads out with her father.

Varian suddenly comes out and gives Lance an odd look “Stop me if I’m intruding but you aren’t a real minister are you.”

“No kid, I’m not” he sighs “I’m Lance Strongbow. Infamous criminal.”

Shorty chuckles “Yea. Public enemy number 13”

“Shorty shut up” he glared at him then turns back to Varian “You’re not going to snitch, right kid?”

“You kidding? We’re pals. Your identity is safe with me.” Varian says “However this just got ALLOT worse for me.”

“How so?” 

Varian blushes “Cassandra is the girl I like”

Lance realizes “And her father believes you’re public enemy number one.”

“Exactly!”

Lance puts his arm over Varian’s shoulder “What YOU need kid. Is a disguise.” He smirks “What do you want, a gorilla suit? Set of armor?”

Varian sighs “How about something more practical”


	5. Friendship

Anything Goes AU   
Chapter 5   
  
Cassandra was finishing up talking to a sailor. “Make sure to keep this quiet. He’s public enemy number one. We don’t want to start a panic in the ship.”    
  
“Yes madam” the sailor said as he ran off. Cass left in the opposite direction

  
Lance and Shorty had managed to grab Varian a nice sailors outfit for him to wear. A sailors suit. But Varian notices the problem as soon as he got changed and got outside. “These are barely staying on. They’re so big on me.” He fixes the belt to make sure it stays   
  
“Have you thought about the fact that it’s not the pants fault. That you’re just so damn small. All the sailors are taller than you.” Lance states   
  
“Gee... now I feel great about my chances.” Varian rolls his eyes “Thanks bud”   
  
The two suddenly hear a loud boom as Lance looks to the Captain. “Hey, What was that.”   
  
“The firing range, father.” He answers   
  
“Can you use your own gun?” Lance asked    
  
“Naturally”    
  
Lance looks to Varian “Gotta go kid!” He says as he rushes off    
  
“Wait... where are you?”   
  
The captain gave him an odd look, buying the costume. “Sailor, report to Cassandra immediately for your assignment”    
  
“Yes sir” Varian solutes and runs off.    
  
~   
  
It didn’t take too long for Varian to notice the love of his life filing paperwork. She seemed annoyed. “Um... madam...”   
  
“Pete?”   
  
Varian lowers his voice “Yes... what’s a matter ma’am?”   
  
“Nothing.” She groans “Did you find that boy I sent you to look for?”   
  
Varian was confused “Um boy?”    
  
“Yes. Jet black hair with blue stripe. I can’t find a record of him having to be on this ship at all.”    
  
“Maybe you’re just missing something?” Varian could clearly realize she was catching onto him   
  
“No i...” she suddenly looks at him only to instantly see through the disguise “Varian!”   
  
“Um... no...”   
  
Cassandra rolled her eyes and quickly went up to him “Well, I’m glad you’re here.” Her look suddenly changed.   
  
“Oh rely?” He suddenly blushed    
  
“Yea because...” she seemed like she was going to kiss him but a second later she had his hands in a hold behind his back “I know you’ve been stowing away on this ship.”    
  
“What!?”   
  
Cassandra rolled her eyes “You stowawayed on the ship to be with me.” She said sternly “”You’re Lucky I’m not arresting you”

  
“No... Cass... it’s not like that...” he was red, clearly concerned

  
“Is Sundrop Rapunzel even your real sister?”   
  
“You don’t believe me, ask her? She’ll tell you the truth.”    
  
“No need” Cass states “I’m not going to take you in for long?”   
  
“What?”    
  
Cass groans “I have the authority to ACTUALLY arrest you when we get back to shore, but you’re still someone I care about so I’m going to restrain. But I have a task I could use you help on.”   
  
“What is it Cassie?” He was more than willing. She didn’t really need to blackmail him. She could’ve asked.    
  


“I need you to help me find Murray Hill Flowers”   
  
Varian’s eyes widened. This wasn’t good. “Sure thing” he said, unaware of how he was supposed to get himself out of this mess.    
  
~   
  
Lance was happy. He just won 100 bucks on a bet in the shooting range. Some rich guy bet him he couldn’t make it in the center, and then he followed it up my nailing it with ease.   
  
It was nice knowing that most people thought he was an innocent minister.    
  
Suddenly two girls, Red and Angry, run up to him. They looked like one was about to tattletale on the other. “Father! Father!”   
  
“Yes... girls” Lance seemed nervous, he was unprepared to deal with this   
  
“Red here has been stealing candy bars from the dining hall!” Angry yelled but Red just shrugged   
  
Lance knew what the problem was here “Young lady, that’s not how life works.”    
  
Angry smirked at Red “See!”   
  
Lance puts his hand on Angry shoulder “Actually I was talking about you. You don’t just go around and rat on your friends.”   
  
“What?”   
  
Lance points to Red who was happily gnawing on the candy bar. “Look at your friend. She’s SO HAPPY to have the candy bar. And you’re here trying get that taken away from her. How do you think she feels about that?”   
  
Angry looks down “Sad”    
  
“Yes. And she clearly cares about you. Remember the old adage”   
  
“Snitches get stitches” Angry states   
  
“Good job.”   
  
“Thank you father” Angry goes over to Red “I’m sorry. Wanna go steal some stuff together” red nods excitedly as the two head off.   
  
Cass meanwhile passes by with Varian in tow. “Excuse me...” Varian states as he spots Lance, quickly running over to him “Dude, I’m in trouble.”   
  
“What happened?”   
  
“Cassandra saw through my disguise and knows I’m a stowaway. So now she’s making me help her track down MURRAY HILL FLOWERS.”   
  
“Oh shoot. And she doesn’t know that that’s...”   
  
“Me... yea exactly.” Varian groans “This is all thanks to your dumb disguise”   
  
“My disguises are THE BEST thank you very much.” Lance said offended   
  
Suddenly Rapunzel comes up from behind “Hey Varian” she wraps an arm around him. “You cosplaying or something?”   
  
Varian looks to Lance. “Told you so.”   
  
Rapunzel notices Lance “Lance Strongbow, as I live and breath.”   
  
“Shhh. Raps, you don’t know me. I’m a hunted man.”   
  
“Wait, Do you know him?” Varian was surprised his sister knew a gangster   
  


“I know my way around” Rapunzel said in pride    
  


Cassandra quickly steps in “Sorry miss Sundrop but I have to borrow your brother”

 

Rapunzel quickly puts her arm on her shoulder, examining her “If you hurt him, I swear to god...”

 

“RAPUNZEL!” Varian protests and drags Cass off “Told you she was my sister.” He rolls his eyes a bit.

 

“Overprotective older sister... got it.” Cass makes a brief but important note in her head.

 

Raps smiles to Lance once they’re gone “I actually like her for him. First time that ever happened.”

 

“You didn’t look like it. You almost scared the two half to death.” Lance replies “No wonder they ran off.”

 

“Yea. Where are they heading off to anyway?”

 

“They’re off to find Varian.” Lance answers 

 

“Yea. Okay” Rapunzel nods “Wait... what?”

 

Suddenly the two are greeted by Eugene “Hey, Sundrop Rapunzel. I heard you were on this ship.”

 

“A fan huh?” She smirked

 

“Yes. I had the pleasure of meeting your brother earlier and I figured we should meet. It’s about time. A famous author and a rock star.”

 

“Together?”

 

He quickly corrected “not like that!” He facepalms “look, I just thought, maybe it’d be cool for the four of us, me, you, your brother, and my girlfriend who your brother happens to be friends with, to hang out.”

 

Lance answers before Raps even could “she’d LOVE to”

 

“Cool. Say four o’clock?”

 

“Four o’clock” Raps and Lance say together

 

As soon as Eugene is gone Rapunzel immediately glares at Lance. “What the hell Lance? That’s the dude that’s dating the girl Varian likes. Therefore he is my ENEMY.”

 

“You really take this older sister thing really seriously, don’t you?” Lance gives her an odd look “Look, I have a plan. All you have do is go there early wearing something you can take off easily, I’ll bust in there when you’re taking your clothes off and then we blackmail him into breaking up with miss-cop-lady.”

 

“Lance, that’s INSANE”

 

“You don’t like it?”

 

“I LOVE IT!” Raps smiled and they both laugh. 

 

“You know Rapunzel, we should’ve teamed up years ago.”

 

Rapunzel smirks back at him “We’re two of a kind alright”

 

“Partners!”

 

“Through thick or thin”

 

“Night or day”

 

“Right or wrong”

 

**Lance**

If you're ever in a jam

Here I am

 

**Rapunzel**

If you ever need a pal

I'm your gal

 

**Lance**

If you ever feel so happy you land in jail

I'm your bail

 

**Rapunzel, Lance**

It's friendship

Friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships have been forgot

Ours will still be hot!

Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-dig-dig-dig

 

**Lance**

If you're ever down a well

Ring my bell

 

**Rapunzel**

If you ever catch on fire

Send a wire

 

**Lance**

If you ever lose your teeth

When you're out to dine

Borrow mine

 

**Rapunzel, Lance**

It's friendship, friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships have ceased to jell

Ours will still be swell!

Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-hep-hep-hep

 

**Rapunzel**

If they ever black your eyes

Put me wise

 

**Lance**

If they ever cook your goose

Turn me loose

 

**Rapunzel**

If they ever put a bullet through your brain

I'll complain

 

**Rapunzel, Lance**

It's friendship

Friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships go up in smoke

Ours will still be oke!

Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle-goof-goof-goof

 

**Lance**

If you ever lose your mind

I'll be kind

 

**Rapunzel**

If you ever lose your shirt

I'll be hurt

 

**Lance**

If you're ever in a mill and get sawed in half

I won't laugh

 

**Rapunzel, Lance**

It's friendship

Friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships have been "forgate"

Ours will still be great!

 

**Rapunzel**

If they ever crack your spine

Drop a line

 

**Lance**

If they ever cut your throat

Write a note

 

**Rapunzel**

If they ever make a cannibal stew of you

Invite me too!

 

**Rapunzel, Lance**

It's friendship

Friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships are up the crick

Ours will still be slick!

 

**Rapunzel (Lance)**

Lahdle-ahdle-ahdle (quack-quack-quack)

 

**Rapunzel, Lance**

When other friendships have been forgot

Ours will still be hot!


End file.
